Sometimes Helping Hurts

Yesterday was an altogether bad day.

She was scared.  She felt weird.  She said she thinks that we need to add in the morning pill.  She may be right.

She said she forgot who her friends were.  Forgot what her classes where, what her schedule was, got confused and it scared her.  She said she didn’t seize, but I wonder.  I wonder if we need to expand our definition of seizure… this definition doesn’t show up on webMD so I don’t think she is reading it anywhere.  I think this is genuine.

Me… my guilt is an 87 on a scale of 1 to 10 because she needed me when I was in yoga class and my phone was in my gym bag in the back of the room.  great.  I’m a horrible parent.

Today, I call Dr Reardon to see what this means or what it might mean.

Today we add in the morning pill.

On a good note… the MedicAlert bracelet came yesterday so she is more comfortable with herself.  It is a physical reminder, though, that this is real.  She wears it on one wrist and her LiveStrong bracelet on the other arm.  She cried and cried last night because she wants to live strong and she is afraid that she can’t… that she won’t be able to live without being afraid every single day.

She is getting better… but she is still only nearly 2 weeks out from this whole thing… she doesn’t realize she needs to give herself time to adjust to her new reality.

She doesn’t realize that I’m scared too.

It hurts so much watching this process.  I want so badly to take away the fear and the hurt and the insecurity.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: